


Not Exactly Ready

by amateurwordbender



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon)
Genre: Family, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, rapunzel and varian have the best sibling relationship so this counts as family ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:41:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22874155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amateurwordbender/pseuds/amateurwordbender
Summary: Rapunzel sits down beside him, sinking her toes into the grass. Okay, she can do this. She can help a friend. “Can’t sleep?”Varian shrugs, ducking his head a little. He’s fidgeting with something in his hands—Rapunzel lets out a silent breath when she realizes it’s a piece of his broken weapon. She doesn’t push, though. That usually isn't the best option with Varian.Sure enough, he speaks up on his own a moment later, voice barely steady. “Look, I’m sorry for, um. All this.” He gestures across the water, to where Corona’s been impaled by an army of black rocks. Rapunzel winces away from the sight, but the expression on Varian’s face isn’t any easier to look at.(after the events of Once a Handmaiden, Varian and Rapunzel have some trouble with insomnia)
Relationships: Rapunzel & Varian (Disney)
Comments: 32
Kudos: 238





	Not Exactly Ready

**Author's Note:**

> ok look I really didn't mean to write this and I never thought I'd write something for this show? (and I've kind of been dragged kicking and screaming into becoming invested in this show and it's all alan menken and his beautiful music's fault) but the last episode just gave me feelings about rapunzel and varian and their worst fears basically coming true and I ended up spitting out 1k in like an hour oops
> 
> I also definitely didn't plan to post this on ao3 but everyone has been so encouraging about this on tumblr that I thought eh why not
> 
> fair warning, this is pretty rushed and I didn't edit it carefully or anything (because I HAVE NO TIMEEE I really can't get sucked into another show you guys)

The cottage is still now, which is no small miracle, considering the entire kingdom is crammed inside. Somehow, even all the terrified kids crying to go home have quieted. Exhaustion, probably. Rapunzel can relate. But she can’t seem to join the rest of them in sleep.

She’s trying to find a bright side; she really is. Isn’t that supposed to be her specialty? She supposes she could say something about tragedy bringing the kingdom together, about her parents sleeping by average shopkeepers as equals, about everyone comforting each other and staying strong in hardship. But it just feels… fake. And the longer she stays in here, holding herself stiff as a board so she won’t disturb anyone from their much-needed rest, the more she’s starting to feel that familiar itch of claustrophobia crawling into her skin.

Nope, nope. Can’t take it anymore. Rapunzel presses a soft kiss to Eugene’s forehead—he’d tried his best to stay up with her, but had finally passed out after she’d insisted that he try and get some sleep **—** and makes her way out of the cottage, careful not to jostle anyone.

Outside is better. Not by much, but at least her lungs can expand without it feeling like they’re all going to run out of air. It seems she isn’t alone out here either, though. There’s a small figure in the distance, sitting by the water’s edge. 

At first, Rapunzel doesn’t recognize his silhouette without the signature goggles, but once she gets closer it’s clear who it is.

“Hey, you.”

Varian visibly startles, his hand twitching towards a pocket that probably holds several vials of defensive concoctions. He relaxes when he looks up at her. “Oh. Hey.”

Rapunzel sits down beside him, sinking her toes into the grass. Okay, she can do this. She can help a friend. “Can’t sleep?”

Varian shrugs, ducking his head a little. He’s fidgeting with something in his hands—Rapunzel lets out a silent breath when she realizes it’s a piece of his broken weapon. She doesn’t push, though. That usually isn't the best option with Varian.

Sure enough, he speaks up on his own a moment later, voice barely steady. “Look, I’m sorry for, um. All this.” He gestures across the water, to where Corona’s been impaled by an army of black rocks. Rapunzel winces away from the sight, but the expression on Varian’s face isn’t any easier to look at.

“Oh, Varian. Nobody blames you for this.”

“Yeah? Well, they should,” he says flatly. “I mean, it was _my—_ I saw her. I heard her. You were getting through to her, and if I hadn’t—if I’d just—maybe she wouldn’t have—”

“Hey, hey, stop.” Rapunzel reaches out and grabs his shoulder, if only to stop him from curling into himself further, from tearing himself apart with his own biting words. “Did you shoot that gun on purpose?”

“Well, no. I mean, I still don’t know what happened! I _swear_ my finger was nowhere near that trigger—”

“Okay then. Not your fault; you said it yourself.”

Varian laughs, the sound dark, a remnant of the bitterness that used to define him. “It’s not that simple, Princess.”

“Then explain it to me.”

He sits back with almost a huff, tossing the shard of his weapon aside. “It’s stupid, but I just—I thought I’d be able to do something _good_ with the amber, you know?”

“But you did, remember? With the red rocks?”

“Well, yeah. But that wasn’t… enough? I don’t know.” He chews at his lower lip. “I wanted to prove to myself that I could use that stuff to help everyone, the way it was supposed to in the first place, before, you know. My dad. And me going evil, and all that. And I guess I kind of wanted to prove to myself that I’d moved on and was over it, too. Done facing my fears, because the fears were gone. But they weren’t. And when I saw Cass’s face before she was encased in the amber…” Varian shudders. “That split second of panic, that… I did that. Because I messed up. Again. And I can’t stop imagining my dad looking like that.”

He meets her eyes for a fleeting moment, and Rapunzel’s heart sinks. Varian seems to have been growing up a lot lately. He’s louder, more confident in his abilities; he even gives her advice as a friend. Hell, he’s gotten so much taller, too. And sometimes she forgets that beneath all that, he’s still very much a kid, younger than she was when she first escaped that tower. A kid who’s been through far too much and carries too much guilt for someone his age.

“I’m almost glad that she broke out of it a second later,” he continues. “I mean, of course it’s not great that she got out, because—” again, he gestures across the water. “But I don’t know what I would’ve done if I’d actually trapped her in there.” Varian’s words sound strained, so close to breaking, but he doesn’t let them. “Rapunzel, I don’t think I could’ve pulled that trigger if I’d really had to. This morning, I’d thought I was ready to do what needed to be done, but honestly, the thought of _actually_ —” he shakes his head, pulling his knees to his chest. “How selfish is that?”

Rapunzel sighs, ignoring the prickling in her eyes. She doesn’t know what to say; she would hug him if she thought he’d let her right now. All she can come up with is “I know what you mean.”

Varian looks at her sideways, and his voice is softer when he speaks up again. “I’m sorry, of course you do.”

Rapunzel makes a face. “Oh, no, that’s not what I meant. Don’t worry about me. I’m—”

“You don’t need to do that. The whole pillar of strength thing. Remember? We both need to get better at talking about these things.”

She manages a small smile. “Okay. Okay.” Rapunzel takes a slow breath. “Do you know how Cass got into the kingdom today?” Varian shakes his head. “She disguised herself as Faith, and she volunteered to help me prepare for the festival. And for a while today, before I even knew it was her, it kind of felt like having her back again. She—she even called me Raps at one point.” 

She draws up her knees, absently mirroring Varian’s position. “I’m so afraid of losing her forever, and sometimes, like today, it feels like there’s still hope. But now…” She looks up at Corona, this time refusing to look away. Her home. _Cassandra’s_ home. Completely destroyed by Cassandra’s own hand. “She’s really crossed the line this time. She crossed it, she blew it up behind her. Everyone keeps telling me I need to give up on her, and I know that I should, for the sake of my people.” It’s her turn to avoid Varian’s gaze. “But even after everything she’s done, I don’t know if I’m willing to.”

Varian’s quiet for a while before speaking. “Well, I really don’t know what the right answer is.” He shifts a little closer to her. “But you never gave up on me, even when everyone was telling you to. I’ll be forever grateful for that.”

She swallows a lump in her throat and turns to look at Varian. He’s watching her, earnest, but with a heavy weight of understanding in his eyes. She lets out a watery chuckle. “ _I’m_ supposed to be helping _you_.”

“Too bad. You gotta learn to take some of what you dish out.”

Rapunzel reaches out and ruffles his hair, and he leans into her, a sign of trust that he’ll never know how much she treasures. Sure, Varian’s still a kid. But he really has grown up so much.

She rests her head on his. They sit there by the water together, watching Corona in the distance. Eventually, they drift off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> (and then the next morning everyone panics because they think Cass took Rapunzel in the middle of the night)
> 
> thanks for reading! 
> 
> also if anyone has any tips for getting "nothing left to lose" out of my head (because it's been on loop for about two weeks now) I'd really appreciate it lmao help


End file.
